The ideas herein presented stem, for the most part, from my day-to-day clinical work with patients as they struggled to avoid or to gain ever greater levels of maturity. Consequently, this book contains portions of many actual case histories. Confidentiality is essential to psychiatric practice, and all case descriptions, therefore, have been altered in name and in other particulars so as to preserve the anonymity of my patients without distorting the essential reality of our experience with each other.

There may, however, be some distortion by virtue of the brevity of the case presentations. Psychotherapy is seldom a brief process, but since I have, of necessity, focused on the highlights of a case, the reader may be left with the impression that the process is one of drama and clarity. The drama is real and clarity may eventually be achieved, but it should be remembered that in the interest of readability, accounts of the lengthy periods of confusion and frustration inherent in most therapy have been omitted from these case descriptions.

I would also like to apologize for continually referring to God in the traditionally masculine image, but I have done so in the interest of simplicity rather than from any rigidly held concept as to gender.

As a psychiatrist, I feel it is important to mention at the outset two assumptions that underlie this book. One is that I make no distinction between the mind and the spirit, and therefore no distinction between the process of achieving spiritual growth and achieving mental growth. They are one and the same.

The other assumption is that this process is a complex,arduous and lifelong task. Psychotherapy, if it is to provide substantial assistance to the process of mental and spiritual growth, is not a quick or simple procedure. I do not belong to any particular school of psychiatry or psychotherapy; I am not simply a Freudian or Jungian or Adlerian or behaviorist or gestaltist. I do not believe there are any single easy answers. I believe that brief forms of psychotherapy may be helpful and are not to be decried, but the help they provide is inevitably superficial.

The journey of spiritual growth is a long one. I would like to thank those of my patients who have given me the privilege of accompanying them for major portions of their journey.For their journey has also been mine, and much of what is presented here is what we have learned together. I would also like to thank many of my teachers and colleagues. Principal among them is my wife, Lily. She has been so giving that it is hardly possible to distinguish her wisdom as a spouse, parent, psychotherapist, and person from my own.

Introduction

               I: DISCIPLINE

Problems and Pain

Delaying Gratification

The Sins of the Father

Problem-Solving and Time

Responsibility

Neuroses and Character Disorders

Escape from Freedom

Dedication to Reality

Transference: The Outdated Map

Openness to Challenge

Withholding Truth

Balancing

The Healthiness of Depression

Renunciation and Rebirth

                 II: LOVE

Love Defined

Falling in “Love”

The Myth of Romantic Love

More About Ego Boundaries

Dependency

Cathexis Without Love

“Self-Sacrifice”

Love Is Not a Feeling

The Work of Attention

The Risk of Loss

The Risk of Independence

The Risk of Commitment

The Risk of Confrontation

Love Is Disciplined

Love Is Separateness

Love and Psychotherapy

The Mystery of Love

                III：GROWTH AND RELIGION

World Views and Religion

The Religion of Science

The Case of Kathy

The Case of Marcia

The Case of Theodore

The Baby and the Bath Water

Scientific Tunnel Vision

                IV: GRACE

The Miracle of Health

The Miracle of the Unconscious

The Miracle of Serendipity

The Definition of Grace

The Miracle of Evolution

The Alpha and the Omega

Entropy and Original Sin

The Problem of Evil

The Evolution of Consciousness

The Nature of Power

Grace and Mental Illness: The Myth of Orestes

Resistance to Grace

The Welcoming of Grace

Afterword