As a motoring journalist, you spend much of your life on exotic car launches, feeding from the bottomless pit of automotive corporate hospitality. And then you come home to tailor a story that perfectly meets the needs of the public relations department that funded it. For sure, you dislike the new 'xyz' but what the hell. Say it's fabulous and you're sure to be invited on the next exotic press launch. And so what if some poor sucker reads what you say and buys this hateful car? You're never going to meet him because by then, you'll be on another press launch,in Africa maybe, trying out the 'zxy'.

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Jeremy Clarkson, it has to be said, sometimes finds the world a maddening place. And nowhere more so than from behind the wheel of a car,where you can see any number of people acting like lunatics while in control (or not) of a ton of metal.

In this collection of classic columns, first published in 1999, Jeremy takes a look at the world through his windscreen, shakes his head at what he sees - and then puts the boot in.

Foreword   xv

Norfolk, twinned with Norfolk  1

GT90 in a flat spin  3

Blackpool Rock  6

Gordon Gekko back in the driving seat  9

All aboard the veal calf express  12

Speedy Swede  15

Drink driving do-gooders are over the limit  18

Car of the Century  20

The Sunny sets  23

Who's getting their noses in the trough?  27

Ferrari's desert storm  29

Killjoys out culling  32

Flogging a sawn-off Cosworth  36

Weather retort  38

Burning your fingers on hot metal  41

Speeding towards a pact with the devil  44

Road rage - you know it makes sense  47

911 takes on Sega Rally  50

A laugh a minute with Schumacher in the Mustang  54

Girlpower  56

Nissan leads from the rear  59

Cable TVs and JCBs  62

Mystic Clarkson's hopeless F1 predictions  65

Commercial cobblers  68

Struck down by a silver bullet in Detroit  71

You can't park there - or there  74

Sermon on Sunday drivers  77

A riveting book about GM's quality pussy  81

Aston Martin V8 - rocket-powered rhino  83

Caravans - A few liberal thoughts  87

Blind leading the blind: Clarkson feels the heat

  in Madras  90

Norfolk's finest can't hit the high notes  92

Car interiors in desperate need of some Handy

  Andy work  96

New MG is a maestro  99

Darth Blair against the rebel forces  102

Riviera tiff-raft  105

Objectivity is a fine thing unless the objective is

  to be first  109

Kids in cars  111

Brummie cuisine is not very good  115

Last bus to Clarksonville  118

Land of the Brave, Home of the Dim  121

Only tyrants build good cars  124

The principality of toilets  128

Clarkson the rentboy finally picks up a Ferrari  130

Hate mail and wheeler-dealers  134

No room for dreamers in the GT40  137

A rolling Moss gathers up Clarkson  140

Can't sleep? Look at a Camry  143

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