At last, after all those books on clawing your way to the top, here's the real truth about the behavior, good or bad, that will determine your ultimate success or failure in the workplace. From your trumped-up resume to the disastrous company picnic, and every other aspect of the working life, including meetings, office antics, travel and entertainment, fun with machines, and the right and wrong ways to ask for a raise, Greg Gutfeld focuses his trademark point system on the place where all of us--sadly--spend the biggest part of our lives.

Despite thousands of career and business books at our fingertips, not one author has gone to the trouble of telling us how to behave properly in the workplace. True, there are some painfully drab books out there that tell us how to hunt for a job (step one: lose the bathrobe), what to wear at an interview (hint: not the side holster), and how to empower our resumes with senseless action verbs that make us sound like we're channeling Roget. That's it. What we really need is something that helps us assess our behavior at work, telling us when we've screwed up and when we've done well. That way, we'll be golden in the eyes of our bosses, and even better, avoid selling Amway products out of our trunk...

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Your Resume

The Interview

Your Private Hell (or Workspace)

Welcome Aboard!

Your Vocation

Office Romance

Is It Sexual Harassment?

Crass Communication

Did You Get My Memo?

Meetings

Speeches and Presentations

Extracurricular Activities

The Scorecard for Satan (Uh, We Mean

Managers)

Raises and Promotions

The Art of Firing, Being Fired, and Quitting

to Run Off and Join the Circus

Office Perks

Business Dining, Schmoozing, and

Other Types of Torture

Dirty Office Tricks

Covering Your Tracks

Business Abroad

Office Technology

How Do You Look?

The Procrastination Primer

The Procrastination Primer (Again)

How Annoying Are You?

The Peculiarities of Office Life

Your Workplace Attitude

Conclusion: Your Scorecard Totals