Are Good Manners really relevant in this day and age? Really, Dear Reader, if you have ever asked this question, then you are in Desperate Need of This Book. Good Manners are for everyone, everywhere. Etiquette is based on Consideration, Respect, Common Sense, and an Appreciation for Tradition--how could that possibly be Irrelevant? Especially now?In their first book, the Etiquette Grrls tackled important issues like Rock Concert Behavior and how to handle an Office Romance. But as Cell 'Phones go off during Funeral Masses--and worse, people are answering them--the EGs have realized Their Mission is not complete. Before one more person sends out An Invitation with a Registry Card inside (or, worse, a Blatant Demand for Cash) or wears a Navel-Baring Tank Top to the Boss's Dinner Party, everyone must realize that there are...

"If The Girls from The Rules and Miss Emily Post had a clue, they'd put down their tighty whiteys, pull on their leather bustiers and start paying attention to this ultimate how-to girl manifesto. Oh, that Miss Post is probably spinning in her porcelain, white grave!" --Marcelle Karp, coauthor of The Bust Guide to the New Girl Order and cofounder of Bust Magazine

"Lessons that we would all do well to learn... such good sense."--Montreal Gazette

"Very tongue-in-cheek but quite palatable, practical advice for those not in the etiquette know." --Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

"This is the book for teens, twentysomethings and thirtysomethings.Cosmetics abuse, uncool attire, appropriate demeanor for an office romance and rock concert behavior are among the topics covered in addition to traditional etiquette pointers." --Houston Chronicle

"The Etiquette Grrls devote as much energy and enthusiasm to a thrift-store place setting as [Emily] Post did to the Spode china and the heirloom silver Their advice is better than that from some of their elders." --The New York Times Book Review

Acknowledgementsxi

Introductionxiii

CHAPTER ONE:

All Yield to the Etiquette Volvo: Your Beautiful

Automobile and How to Drive It Politely

Selecting an Automobile: What You Should Be Driving

What You Should Not Be Driving

What Color Car?

Automobile Accoutrements

"Decorating" One's Car

Should I Personalize My License Plate?

General Principles of Driving

Parking

At Home

On the Street

In Parking Lots

Being Polite to Your Passengers

Being a Polite Passenger

"But, Officer, I Didn't Mean to...":

Interactions Avec les Gendarmes

Activities One May Not Engage in Whilst Driving

Accidents

Other Forms of Transportation

Pedestrian Etiquette

Pedestrians Versus Cars

Bicycle Etiquette

What You Should Wear While Riding a Bicycle

Scooters, Skateboards, and Inline Skates

Vespas

Questions and Answers on Various and Sundry

CHAPTER TWO:

"Where the Boys Are":

Boys and Chivalric Behavior

The Elements of Chivalry

Style for Boys

How to Buy Beautiful Flowers

Charming, Yet Inexpensive, Ideas for Dates

Dates You Shouldn't Go On

Questions and Answers on Various and Sundry

CHAPTER THREE:

'Tin Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a

Letter: Letters for All Occasions

Review: Supplies

Supplies You Do Not Need

The Standard Thank-You Note

The Horribly Belated Thank-You Note

The Thank-You Note for the Unwanted

The Thank-You Note for Money

The Thank-You Note for The Thing-That-You-

Can't-Identify

The Second (Follow-Up) Thank-You Note

The Brea&and-Butter Letter

The Bread-and-Butter Letter for When You Had a Really

Terrible Time

The Condolence Letter

The Condolence Note for a Young Person/Baby/

Miscarriage

The Formal Regret to an Invitation

The Informal Response to an Invitation

"Going AWOL" (The P.P.C. Card)

Dear John/Jane

Business Letters

A Letter to The Management (Praise)

A Letter to The Management (Criticism)

A Letter of Inquiry (For a Job; Cold, or From

an Advertisement)

A Letter of Introduction

A Letter to an Alumna/us of Your School (Networking)

A Letter of Resignation

Questions and Answers on Various and Sundry

CHAPTER FOUR:

That's Entertainment!

Hooray for Hollywood!: The Films You Need to Watch

(Or at Least a Rudimentary List Thereof)

Give Our Regards to Broadway

The Etiquette Grrls' Canon of Literature

"With a Song in My Heart": The Composers, Songwriters,

Lyricists, Bands, and Singers You Should Know

The Classical Composers

The Twentieth-Century Songwriters

The Dance Bands

The Great Singers

Rock Around the Clock

Art for Art's Sake: Art History

Going Dancing

It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing

"Save Me the Waltz": Other Thoughts on Dancing

Television

Sporting Events

Sports That the Etiquette Grrls Rather Like

(And Actually Play Themselves)

Questions and Answers on Various and Sundry

CHAPTER FIVE:

It's Money, Baby!

How Much Cash Should You Carry?

The New Fifties, Twenties, Tens, and Fives

Which Credit Card You Should Have

Visiting the ATM

How to Carry Your Cash

Flaunting One's Wealth

Noblesse Oblige

Tipping

Restaurants

Bars

Salons

Movers

Deliveries

Cabs

Porters

Hotels

People In and Around Your Apartment Building

The Postman

Other People You Don't Tip

Questions and Answers on Various and Sundry

CHAPTER SiX:

Gifts and Greediness

Thank Heavens for Tiffany's Catalogue!:

The Gifts You Should Be Giving

Occasions That Do and Do Not Merit a Gift

Your Best Friend's Birthday

Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / The Winter Solstice

Weddings

Gifts for Other Wedding-Related Events

Baby Gifts

Housewarming Gifts

When You Are a Guest at a Dinner Party

Anniversary Gifts

Gifts for Children

Just a Reminder--You Get a Gift, You Write a Damn

Thank-You Note

Hostess Gifts

"Regifting"

No, You May Not "Register" at Spphora for Your Twenty-First

Birthday

No, You May Not Ask for Money In Lieu of Gifts

No, You May Not Ask Guests to Pay for Their Own Meals If

You're Throwing a Party at a Restaurant

Questions and Answers on Various and Sundry

CHAPTER SEVEN:

Miscellaneous Matters of Importance Redux

How to Eat an Artichoke

The Etiquette Grrls Favorite Party Themes

When May I Chew Gum?

The Etiquette Grrls Rules to Live By

"I Am AWOL Because..."

The Official List of The Etiquette Grrls' Likes

and Dislikes

Movement

The Etiquette Grrls Are Ready for Their Close-Up:

Posing for Photographs

Things You Should Never, Ever Pose Avec

Goth Etiquette

Your Personal Appearance: An Update

Sex and the City Is Not Something to Emulate

Adieu, Burberry!192

Seasonal Clothing Issues

Update on Electronic Etiquette

Instant Messenger

Webpages

Using the Web

The Facsimile ("Fax") Machine

Cell Phones, Part Deux

Quit It, For God's Sake, With the Dumbass

Ringer Noises

Video Games

Rude Questions

Forgetting Someone's Name

Guests Who Bring Along Guests of Their Own

People Who Don't R.S.V.P.

How to Apologize

Little White Lies

Your Small Pet

Which Pet?

The Very Stylish Pet

The Well-Behaved Pet

How to Behave Correctly Around Someone Else's Pet

(Particularly If You Don't Like It)

How to Be a Polite Pet Owner

Profiles in Etiquette